SYW286 – Navigating Memories and Coming Out

[00:00:15] Jennifer Wilson: Welcome to Scrapbook Your Way, the show that explores the breadth of ways to be a memory keeper today. I'm your host, Jennifer Wilson, owner of Simple Scrapper and author of The New Rules of Scrapbooking. This is episode 286. In this episode, I'm joined by Beatrice Semo for a candid conversation about supporting your child's authentic identity through open communication about photos, scrapbooks, and memory keeping strategies.

[00:01:03] Hey Beatrice, welcome to Scrapbook Your Way.

[00:01:06] Beatrice Semo: Hi Jennifer. Thank you for having me.

[00:01:08] Jennifer Wilson: I'm looking forward to our conversation today. Can you start by sharing a little bit about yourself?

[00:01:14] Beatrice Semo: Sure. I live in Pennsylvania, about 30 minutes outside of Philadelphia with my husband and three of our four, as well as two dogs.

[00:01:22] My son Patrick is 11, James is 15, and Paul is 19. He lives in the basement and is itching to get his own, his own place.

[00:01:32] Jennifer Wilson: Oh, I bet. I remember when my stepson was that age.

[00:01:35] Beatrice Semo: Yes. Our oldest, Ian, is 21, and they have an apartment with their boyfriend about 30 minutes away where they go to school. So they're pretty self sufficient now and independent.

[00:01:47] Jennifer Wilson: Cool. Cool. Yes. So sounds like you've got a busy time of things for sure with kids at home and kids away.

[00:01:55] Beatrice Semo: Yep. I was a special ed teacher before I decided to stay at home when we had our second child. I do a lot of volunteer work now and I'm actually going to be starting a new part time job working with a young woman on life skills this fall. Um, so I'm excited for that. And, um, I've been scrapbooking for almost 25 years, so.

[00:02:17] Jennifer Wilson: Oh, wonderful. My mom is a kind of, uh, I guess she's retired, uh, special ed teacher, but she still does like specific, like one on one work with certain students. And, um, it's just kind of her, her life's passion. So it's really cool to see that you're doing that as well.

[00:02:34] Beatrice Semo: Yeah. So I'm, I'm excited to get back, back into it.

[00:02:38] Jennifer Wilson: So what is exciting you right now, both inside of your hobby and in your everyday life?

[00:02:43] Beatrice Semo: Well, in my everyday life, we moved last summer, and I'm really loving our new home and our new community. I've already made some really good friends, and I've, like, jumped right in and gotten involved in some community groups, so that's been really fun.

[00:02:56] And for scrapbooking, I'm actually really excited because last week I was finally able to back up all of our digital photos to Amazon Prime. Um, I still have cleaning up to do, um, like fixing dates and getting rid of duplicates. Um, but I'm already loving the ease of looking through for things and even just getting page ideas because you can just pick a, you know, pick a face, pick a person, and scroll through all their photos, so that's been really cool.

[00:03:27] Jennifer Wilson: Did it also kind of give you a sense of peace of mind? Are you using this as like backup or as primary storage?

[00:03:33] Beatrice Semo: Yes, it's, it's a little bit of both, and we still have, they were all on a hard drive, so we still have that as another backup. Um, and I do have a lot on my phone. Um, so it's like our, right now it's our main cloud backup system. We might, once I get it all organized, we might do like a secondary one as well.

[00:03:53] Jennifer Wilson: Sure. Sure. Yeah. No, good luck with that process. It certainly always feels good to, to get things more straightened out, especially when we're taking so many photos.

[00:04:03] Beatrice Semo: Yeah. Well, and I can share the access with it too. So, you know, the kids can get on there and look for pictures and, you know, I have family pictures on there for extended family. So.

[00:04:14] Jennifer Wilson: So of course I always love to ask our guests about their memory keeping bucket lists. So do you have a story that you feel is really important to tell but that you haven't documented yet?

[00:04:25] Beatrice Semo: Well actually I was working on a group of bucket list stories before I had to deal with some health issues.

[00:04:31] So I'm really hoping to get back into that project this winter. It's a December Daily style album and it's filled with all my childhood memories of the holidays. Um, it does include some harder stories as well. And I think it'll give, you know, my kids and everyone a good insight into why we celebrate the way we do now. And, and also like my love of decorating and for the season in general.

[00:04:58] Jennifer Wilson: That sounds like such a special project. And I hope that you're, you're on the mend with your, your health issues. I know there's so many different things in life that can, uh, add those speed bumps to, uh, the things that we want to get done.

[00:05:12] Beatrice Semo: Yes, yes. I'm, it's, I, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. So I'm, I'm hoping I'm having a surgery and I'm hoping once I'm past that, um, and recover that I'll be, be able to do more of the things I love again.

[00:05:26] Jennifer Wilson: Yes, Wes, well, well wishes to you for sure. Hope it all goes well. So you shared a little bit about your family in the beginning. Can you tell us a little bit more about what your family looks like?

[00:05:36] Beatrice Semo: So we have, uh, four children and, um, Ian, our oldest, uh, is transgender. Uh, I'll go, I kind of, I'm going to go through the transition period, if that's.

[00:05:50] Jennifer Wilson: Sure.

[00:05:51] Beatrice Semo: To explain it. Um, it began in the spring of 2017. Um, so he did transition quite a few years ago. Uh, it was right before their 14th birthday. It started with, like, on the spur of the moment, they decided they wanted to cut their thick, brown, waist length hair off to mid ear. Um, so it was a pretty drastic change.

[00:06:16] Jennifer Wilson: For sure.

[00:06:18] Beatrice Semo: Uh, you know, we were just sitting at dinner, we were going on vacation, like, the next day, and he's like, Can I cut all my hair off tonight?

[00:06:25] Um, and so we made an appointment, and we went and cut it off. Um, and that summer, they came out as gay. Um, so they were born, they were identified as female at birth. So that summer they came out as gay. Um, but I wondered if there was more to come because that same day we immediately had to go shopping for new clothes, like androgynous clothes and masculine clothes.

[00:06:53] Um, so I always had in my mind, like, is he really gay? Is it, you know, I'm, the pronouns, I hope I don't confuse people. They will bounce around.

[00:07:05] Jennifer Wilson: So what pronouns does your child prefer?

[00:07:09] Beatrice Semo: Well right now they use he him or they them. At first it was he, him, and then as I get later in the story it did switch, like he added in they, them.

[00:07:22] Jennifer Wilson: Okay.

[00:07:22] Beatrice Semo: But he's fine with either one. Um, cause it just was a lot to like change, change it once and then change it again, especially with older family members and stuff. So we went and bought new clothes. And that, that was over the summer. And then that spring just before his 15th birthday. He came out as transgender and identified as male. Um, they had said at the time they had said they were hoping that coming out as gay and just dressing more masculine would be enough. Um, but after living that way for, you know, several months, decided that that's not really who they were. Um, so we began the transition. Did change his name. Um, We had to do that with school with family. You know, and it that was a, took a couple of years for everything to you in, Sorry, it's like hard to like put into words.

[00:08:26] Jennifer Wilson: Well, I think even, you know, um, for anyone changing your name, uh, with all the different organizations that you have to do that with is not an easy process. So changing your name and your, you know, gender on, on those records, I'm sure is even more complicated and logistically cumbersome.

[00:08:46] Beatrice Semo: Yes, and we did get, luckily, we were able to get all that done for them, um, before they were 18. Um, because once you're 18, it's a little bit harder.

[00:08:57] Jennifer Wilson: Okay.

[00:08:58] Beatrice Semo: So yeah, he, so that was ninth grade. Um, with, I think we had everything fully switched over, probably a year, a year to two years later.

[00:09:10] Um, and then he went off to, you know, he went off to college and after living as their authentic self for a few years, um, in college, they began to identify more as gender queer or non binary. And that's when they added the they, them pronouns. And for them, gender is more fluid. Um, they have both feminine and masculine traits. I did include a link that I think the article really explains explains it well. Um, that it's about both gender identity as well as gender expression.

[00:09:55] Jennifer Wilson: We'll definitely include that in the show notes. Yeah, I'm, I'm curious what kind of either, uh, local or online resources were helpful to you, your family, your child, and, um, as, as you're going through this process.

[00:10:12] Beatrice Semo: Um, well, in the beginning, we went through CHOP, which is Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. They have a gender clinic. Um, so we worked closely with them. He had appointments quite regularly. Um, they do have, um, like support groups or meeting groups for our, different family members. Suggested like a suggested book you can read and articles. And that's what we kind of sent out to family. Um, I mean it was hard in the beginning because some family decided to do their own research. Um, and like, we're ahead of us. And I'm like, Oh, we're not there yet. it. Um, so I feel like it's a little bit easier now. You know, it's been a couple, it's been a couple of years and it's, there's more information out there.

[00:11:07] Um, but I do, um, like at the end when, when I share where you can reach me, I'm always happy to talk to, to family, moms, dads, um, that are maybe at the beginning of the journey. Um, because you do feel very alone at the start.

[00:11:25] Jennifer Wilson: I'm sure, I'm sure.

[00:11:27] Beatrice Semo: I'm very open about it to people that I meet. Um, so that if somebody else need somebody to talk to that it's, you know, they know somebody. Um, because in the beginning I didn't know anyone, um, for about a year. Um, that I could really talk to who'd been through it. Um, but since my child has transitioned, I've had three or four different moms, um, come to me that, you know, I knew in the community or a friend of a friend, you know, they just wanted somebody to talk to. And understand like what we went through. And, and just not feel like you're alone out there.

[00:12:08] Jennifer Wilson: Sure. And I even, I noticed this as you're speaking about it, there's, I'm sure there's a degree of like, of awkwardness as you're navigating, um, how you refer to them and how you refer to them, uh, past and present, um, in your memory keeping, which is part of what we're going to talk about. And yeah, especially as things are evolving, as they are discovering who you know, what kind of identity makes them feel most themselves. Um, so this wasn't a clear, a specific point in time of a before and after. It's been an act of, you know, a transition.

[00:12:46] Beatrice Semo: Yes. Yes. It's very much been a transition over time. Um, you know, and a journey for him to really find, you know, their authentic self. And you see, I use, I, I constantly use he, him, and they, them. So it's been, you know, it's, it was a big change in the beginning to switch from, you know, she, her. And I was really good at the he, him. And now you know, like I kind of use them, he him and they them interchangeably.

[00:13:21] Jennifer Wilson: I'm curious if you've documented this as a story. Not just about how you're documenting their stories, but how, like your own reaction to it and how you've navigated. Have you, have you included that in your scrapbooks or in personal journals?

[00:13:39] Beatrice Semo: Um, I haven't documented my personal experience with it, but I am, uh, working on a, like an album of my stories. And I do have, um, you know, have it noted in there to talk about that. And for, for my child, I didn't document anything at the time. But recently we've gone back through photos and have, I've done several double page spreads for their album. Um, I, I did a page about their transition, um, their top surgery, a pride festival. And, um, they've done all the journaling on those pages.

[00:14:24] Jennifer Wilson: Oh, that's nice.

[00:14:25] Beatrice Semo: Yeah, we just kind of picked the pictures. I picked the layout. And, um, you know, I scrapbooked them and, um, that's them for him for them to journal. So

[00:14:37] Jennifer Wilson: I'm curious if when you're looking through those photos that like, are they sharing any reflections on how they were feeling before they came out? Does that, does that make sense?

[00:14:50] Beatrice Semo: So we have talked, we've talked about it. And they were always a bit of a tomboy, never girly girl. Um, and I rarely like push them to wear a dress or, you know, maybe for Easter I'd be like, Oh, we pick a nice dress for Easter.

[00:15:13] Jennifer Wilson: Yeah.

[00:15:14] Beatrice Semo: And that they, you know, they were always, we always let them choose, um, whatever they wanted to wear, whatever they wanted to be for Halloween. Um, so like, for example, when they were three, everyone in the preschool class was a prince, was a princess. And they were a tree.

[00:15:33] Jennifer Wilson: Oh, I like that costume. That's fun.

[00:15:36] Beatrice Semo: Yes. Um, so in our conversations, you know, they've said that maybe if we were, if they had felt more pressured to fit a certain, um, stereotype, maybe they would have realized it sooner.

[00:15:51] Jennifer Wilson: Okay.

[00:15:52] Beatrice Semo: It came out sooner, but because they didn't have that pressure, um, it really wasn't until like, you know, around puberty that, that they started to really feel, you know, something might be different.

[00:16:05] Jennifer Wilson: Yeah, like that need to, to start, I mean, we, no matter what you're going through, we're all wanting to figure out who we are. And even more so if something is not quite, uh, lining up for you.

[00:16:18] Beatrice Semo: Yes.

[00:16:19] Jennifer Wilson: So I just want to say how much I appreciate your willingness to be open about this. And obviously it's been, uh, helpful to those in your local community and the more that we talk about it, the, the easier it gets and the more that others know they are not alone. Um, I'd like to dig in more into how it has impacted your memory keeping process. Uh, one thing that's always stood out to me is that you've shared so many photos of, uh, areas of your home because you love decorating. And, but I imagine there's this tricky balance between celebrating how they've grown over time and also honoring their identity today. So I'm curious if you made any changes to your photo displays.

[00:17:00] Beatrice Semo: So, um, as I learned more about what it meant to be transgender and what my child, you know, may or may not be struggling with, I really was prepared to pack all the photos and frames and albums up. Um, like you said, we have large, like family photos, large portraits of the sibling group all over the house. As well as individual framed photos.

[00:17:27] Um, so what my, my child and I really had multiple conversations about that. Um, because some individuals, uh, like his boyfriend who is also trans, they experience, it's called dysphoria. Which are extreme feelings of distress when they see images of themselves pre transition. Um, so I didn't want him to feel you know, uncomfortable or upset, especially, you know, in their own home, if we had those pictures up.

[00:18:02] Jennifer Wilson: Certainly.

[00:18:03] Beatrice Semo: But I feel really fortunate and grateful that, that for myself and for Ian, um, he doesn't have that issue. He's comfortable with me having pictures from throughout his life up in the home. As long as, as long as there's a mix of photos, you know, pre, post transition.

[00:18:24] Um, I mean, and, and there is a period of, you know, like the year while he was transitioning that, you know, when he cut his hair off, um, he wasn't necessarily identifying as, you know, masculine then. Um, but, you know, we have those photos up. We have photos up from when he was little, and we have photos up, you know, post transition as well.

[00:18:46] Um, and he's very comfortable, and he's very open about it as well. Which definitely helps me. Um, and he's very comfortable with me sharing, you know, his journey and my experiences with it. I mean, we had a holiday house tour at one time where people came into the house to see all their decorations. You could see people would look at one side of the wall where I had three boys and a girl in the photo.

[00:19:15] And then the other side of the wall, there's four boys. And you know, it's obvious that they're the same children.

[00:19:22] Jennifer Wilson: Yeah.

[00:19:23] Beatrice Semo: Nobody really said anything, but he noticed. He was like, this one person was looking and then looked over, you know, like looking back and forth, trying to figure it out. But yeah, I'm, I really, I'm really grateful that he doesn't have that issue and, um, that we didn't have to make any major changes. Um, that also helped, you know, with scrapbooking as well. Because I didn't know if I'd have to pack up all the albums and pages I had done. You know, beforehand.

[00:19:54] Jennifer Wilson: So what kind of conversations did you have with Ian about how they're portrayed in the scrapbooks?

[00:20:00] Beatrice Semo: Well, the first was if you, you know, I have, having four kids, my scrap books were not up to date, by any means. Um, but him being my oldest, he, he had two overstuffed 12 by 12 albums with a total of 70 double page spreads. Uh, so 50 from their first year and then 20 from like toddler to kindergarten. And I didn't know if I could like I have them out in the living room on shelves. And I didn't know if you, you know, we talked about do you want them still out?

[00:20:33] What names did he want in the label holders? Um, or did he want me to pack them away and just put out a new album and start doing pages. Um, but he was, he was comfortable with keeping them out. Um, I also offered to, we could go through and pull out some, you know, thin them out. Pull out some layouts, you know, there were more gender neutral. Um, because we didn't know what we were having when we had him. So I, you know, we had plenty from when he was a baby that, you know, they're in yellow or they're in green or.

[00:21:09] Jennifer Wilson: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:21:10] Beatrice Semo: So I said, we, you know, that was an option too. Um, but luckily they are fine with having them all out, as long as, you know, going, we make, continue to make some going forward. Um, he also talked about going forward, how should I scrapbook photos from the past, or should I scrapbook any more photos from the past? Um, and again, he was very open and comfortable, which is not always the case. Um, like I said, his boyfriend, um, doesn't, he doesn't have many pictures of pre transition, but he doesn't want to see them out either. And wouldn't want to share them unless it was with somebody he's very close to. So I, so again, it was, I just felt really fortunate that, um, he was okay with that. And he said, I could even use his name before he transitioned, on those photos that are pre transition.

[00:22:10] I could use the old pronouns if I wanted to. So, it was really more up to how I felt about it, um, because he was very comfortable with whatever I decided.

[00:22:22] Jennifer Wilson: So, how did you feel about it, in terms of, like when you sit down to try to scrapbook a story from maybe when they were five years old? What have you figured out feels good to you?

[00:22:35] Beatrice Semo: It took a little time. Um, at first I didn't really scrapbook, um, anything specifically for them. It was also around that time that I was trying to balance out all four kids. So, I was focused on catching up on the other kids pages for a little while. Um, but then I did do holiday pages and travel pages and I really quickly ran into the name issue, even though he said I could use his, use the old name and the old pronouns. It just felt awkward and uncomfortable for me personally. Um, I caught myself finding ways to go around it. I'd use they, we, the kids, our family, in the journaling. Um, I'd still, you know, like it would be a picture of like a group of us and, oh, we went horseback riding or, you know.

[00:23:31] We celebrated Christmas with everyone. And, and I, I found ways to avoid giving him a specific name or pronoun, um, in those family layouts I was doing and in that, in those, in that journaling. Um, even if it was individual pictures, I could group, you know, pictures of multiple siblings and say, you know, the kids went sledding today or something like that.

[00:24:00] Um, so eventually I did talk to him again about it. You know, he, of course, he had no issue with me using Ian and, and at that time it was he, him. Um, now I can, you know, now I can use he, him, or they, them pronouns in the pages. Um, even if it's, pre transition. Like, to me, he's Ian now, and, and that's just, that's just what feels natural to me to use.

[00:24:26] Jennifer Wilson: Well, I think so much of what you said highlights how specific and individual these decisions are to, uh, the child or, or family member's preferences as well as your own preferences and comfort levels. If it aligns with theirs. And, um, there's no one answer of the right way. It's just whatever, uh, whatever feels good and feels respectful to everyone.

[00:24:52] Beatrice Semo: Exactly. I mean, in the beginning, I thought that I would want to use, um, the other name and she, her, because that's what would be reflected in the photos. Um, but it just didn't, you know, for me personally, it still just didn't feel right. Even though, you know, maybe they had long hair or dress on or, you know, whatever the case may be. So.

[00:25:19] Jennifer Wilson: Well, so much of the time in scrapbooking, we, we put a date on it saying, you know, this was, 1995. But we're scrapbooked it in 2024. And so, putting that little bit of date context, um, I don't know somehow, somehow that helps, kind of give it more of, I don't know the right word here, I guess, just more context. That you are looking back on this, and telling the story of, of Ian.

[00:25:48] Beatrice Semo: Yes.

[00:25:50] Jennifer Wilson: Just didn't happen to have that name at that time. But that's, but it was Ian.

[00:25:55] Beatrice Semo: Yeah Yes. And so since then, he has four albums. The first two were all the layouts done pre transition. Their third album spans first grade to ninth grade. Now there's only maybe six double page spreads in there at the moment. But now that we both have access to those photos in Amazon Prime. It's only been a week and we've already started a list of layouts to fill that album out. Um, cause most of those were on the hard drive. And the six layouts that are in there, I think he's done the journaling on at least half of them.

[00:26:35] Jennifer Wilson: Do you think being a memory keeper and scrapbooker, helped navigate your relationship with Ian during this time?

[00:26:46] Beatrice Semo: It definitely facilitated some, additional conversations. And I definitely want to try to make sure that I get it right. For this podcast, I took some notes, and then talked with him and his boyfriend at dinner one night. And as I was editing in them yesterday, I texted him, because I want to make sure I have a good understanding and that I'm sharing, um, sharing, you know, what's true to him. Um,

[00:27:20] Jennifer Wilson: Certainly.

[00:27:20] Beatrice Semo: We do have a very close relationship anyways. So it definitely made, you know, I was definitely comfortable asking him and continuing to ask him if I have questions. Um, or if I'm, you know, just to make sure I'm understanding things correctly. Um, and I'm also very close to his boyfriend. So, you know, I can ask him questions. He has a very different experience. Um, and you know, and I've offered to him that if he had pictures that he wanted to do something with from beforehand, I'm happy to help him do something with those.

[00:27:55] Jennifer Wilson: Oh, that's kind of you.

[00:27:57] Beatrice Semo: Yeah. I mean, right now he doesn't want to, but you know, maybe in the future that, you know, that, that we can always revisit that. So. And he has a different experience too and just, he just doesn't have a lot of photos. Um, so I'm, you know, we include him when we take family photos, we include him. Um, I took graduation photos for him.

[00:28:18] Um, and we even put together, you know, like a poster board for graduation at Ian's party so that, you know, like it was kind of for both of them. Um, so I think he's developed, uh, more of an enjoyment, you know, and a love for pictures and, and scrapbooky things too, just since he's been part of our family.

[00:28:37] Jennifer Wilson: Oh, that's wonderful to hear, and that you're able to provide that, or that, yeah, you're able to be that supportive. Um, I know not every person who, well, I don't know how to say this, but I know not every transgender person receives that kind of support, from their family members.

[00:28:55] Beatrice Semo: Yes, I'm happy, you know, he's, he's had a rough road and I'm happy to, you know, to be there whenever he needs me. So. And they've been together, I think, five years now. So.

[00:29:07] Jennifer Wilson: Oh, wow. That's awesome.

[00:29:08] Beatrice Semo: He's very much like a part of the family.

[00:29:10] Jennifer Wilson: Yeah, sounds like it. So, as you've been going through older albums and looking at these new photos, have you wanted to, or have you actually like re scrapbooked any particular stories?

[00:29:23] Beatrice Semo: Um, no, I haven't re scrapbooked anything. And I don't think, except for, you know, when I offered him in the beginning, if he wanted to thin the albums out, or I did say we could redo things.

[00:29:34] I, I haven't, yeah, no, I haven't had the need or really the inclination to do that. And like I said, I do ask him a lot, like, for his stuff. Like, his fourth album is post transition. And that actually has like 16 double page spreads. He's done all the journaling in that, I think. And he's picked a lot of the topics. I do a lot of scrapbooking, like retrospect, like span of time. So, for example, his field, he played lacrosse and field hockey. And I did not have any pages done, uh, pre transition. And he continued to play both sports. Um, so I did, I did share those on Instagram. I can give you that at the end. Um, but they cover, uh, you know, they have a mix of photos.

[00:30:24] They cover pre transition through post transition. Some of them have like the flip flaps where you can lift it up and see older photos. But yeah, he was happy to include a mix and, and I think that's more authentic. It, you know, gives you the full span of his, you know, he played field hockey for, you know, like all through high school, middle school I think he started in elementary school. So, you know, it's a big span.

[00:30:51] Jennifer Wilson: Sure. And it's, you, you want to represent that that was part of their life.

[00:30:55] Beatrice Semo: Um, yeah. And I just felt like one layout kind of covered it all. I didn't feel like, Oh, I need to do. You know, one for pre transition field hockey and one for post, you know, if he, he was fine having all the pictures together that, you know, kind of tells the full story.

[00:31:10] Jennifer Wilson: Well, and as you mentioned, there are lots of ways to include more sensitive images or journaling, uh, that you may not want every single viewer of your album to look at as well, so.

[00:31:24] Beatrice Semo: Yes, and actually the one layout I did share was his transition layout. And it has a hidden, card that you pull out that has a couple more private photos and where he can put all his, his journaling.

[00:31:38] Um, so when you look at it, it's, you know, says, I think life is a journey. Um, and it's just pictures of him. But then, you know, if there's somebody that he wants to, you know, share his story more personally with he can show them where you can pull this out. And you know that's where he wrote, you know, his private thoughts. So.

[00:31:58] Jennifer Wilson: Certainly, certainly I love that you've included their journaling. Did you do any of that pre transition?

[00:32:05] Beatrice Semo: Not really.

[00:32:07] Jennifer Wilson: Okay.

[00:32:07] Beatrice Semo: Maybe like a little card here in there. But not not really. And I'm lucky that he's really willing to do to do the journaling.

[00:32:17] Jennifer Wilson: Oh, yes.

[00:32:18] Beatrice Semo: Um, my 19 year old, uh, when he graduated, I did like a couple mini albums. And, you know, I was lucky to get him to write in, you know, this is me and Mikey.

[00:32:30] That was about the extent of his journaling. So, um, but when Ian was younger, he also did scrapbook with me. And, uh, and since then I've given him a couple, like, pre made albums that I've done that didn't have photos that he can add pictures of him and Matthew in. Or, you know, whatever they want. So, um, so yeah, he's, you know, a budding scrapbooker, I'll say.

[00:33:01] Jennifer Wilson: That's always cool. We always love to have, uh, more members of our community. Do you look at product choices differently? I know, I mean, as our kids grow, we're tending not to look as many, like, gender themed types of products anymore. Um, they tend to be more like everyday life. But has, has this process changed how you're looking at colors and patterns and motifs on your pattern papers and your supplies?

[00:33:30] Beatrice Semo: Um, well, my shopping habits have definitely changed for various reasons over the years. But I would say this was a real catalyst to moving from buying with a general idea in mind, like, Oh, this will be cute for kids pages, or this will be cute for Ian's pages. To, um, to purchasing with very specific project and pages. Um, that I plan to use it for, um, prior to their transition.

[00:34:00] I purchased whatever I liked, which included not just a lot of feminine products, but some really girly papers. Um, you know, patterned papers and stuff. And, uh, needless to say, I have had to sort, reorganize, repurpose, purge. Um, supplies several times since then. Um, because I just really didn't have, that many girly things to scrapbook anymore.

[00:34:27] Jennifer Wilson: So you're going to scrapbook more about yourself.

[00:34:30] Beatrice Semo: Yes. Yes. Yes. And when some of the things you can, you know, use for, you know, like I have a lot of Felicity Jane stuff and that you can use that.

[00:34:38] Jennifer Wilson: Oh, yeah.

[00:34:39] Beatrice Semo: But I definitely had a section of like, you know, very, flowery, swirly, um, you know, look like little girl school pages type stuff. And so I have, I have, uh, thinned that out quite a bit. Um, I do still have some. And, you know, that I just couldn't part with because I liked it so much. Um, but, uh, actually recently, I was able to pull some of that out because, um, my nine year old neighbor, um, she wants to scrapbook with me. So I was like, oh, it's a perfect use for those papers. Get them out. Um, so she's going to do some Taylor Swift pages with them.

[00:35:22] Jennifer Wilson: Oh, that's fun.

[00:35:23] Beatrice Semo: Um, but yeah, so it definitely makes me think more about what I'm purchasing, what exactly I'm going to use it for. Um, I mean, and that even goes for like specifically boy pages, even though, you know, he has three younger brothers, I probably won't, you know, I probably have a surplus of those pattern papers too. Um, so I do gravitate more towards not like so specifically themed. Um, things that could have a variety of uses and, um, things for specific projects.

[00:35:59] Jennifer Wilson: Well, thankfully, I mean, as our industry, at the same time that it has shrunk for better or worse, actually I should say for worse. At the same time our industry has gotten smaller I think the variety and utility of the supplies we do have has expanded so much. So much that it's sometimes hard if you do want something that's very specific and thematic. Um, but I think it does make it easier to tell stories that don't have clear, um, have a clear gender association with them.

[00:36:33] Beatrice Semo: Yeah.

[00:36:33] Jennifer Wilson: Are there other ways that we haven't talked about yet where you feel like you've had to be more mindful in your memory keeping or just part of, of navigating life?

[00:36:44] Beatrice Semo: Um, it's definitely showed me how important communication is in everything. Even in scrapbooking, like it is my hobby. And, I mainly do it for myself, I enjoy it. I do it for the crafty, artistic outlet. But it is also for my family so that they can look back on trips we've gone on in their childhood. So it's definitely driven me more to work with all of my kids on what they want or don't want scrapbooked. Obviously, especially in their personal albums. I ask them questions. I text photos and say, Hey, can I use this? I get their approval before I scrapbook things or before I share pages that they may be uncomfortable with. Um, Like my 19 year old he's shared his scrapbooks with his girlfriend and he looks through them periodically. But he didn't want them out at his graduation party. But yeah, he did not, my 19-year-old did not want, uh, you know, his big 12 by 12 albums out. You know, he said, well, you could just put out a cup, you know, like two small mini albums and, and that's enough . Um, but he still enjoys them. But I was glad that I asked.

[00:37:57] My 15 year old is adopted. Um, and so he doesn't want his life book pages shared, which is totally understandable. Like it's time before he can be with us. And I, as I've been going through photos recently, he's had surgery and I said, do you want me to scrapbook that?

[00:38:15] Do you want me not to scrapbook that? Um, and he said, you know, you can scrapbook it, but please don't, you know, share it with anybody, you don't post it online. Um, so I think I'm definitely more cognizant and aware of that. Um, and like my 19 year old, he hates to have his picture taken. I have to really ask, like, I really want to pick you with your graduation certificate.

[00:38:40] Can we schedule a time to take that picture? Um, and then he wants to approve the picture afterwards. Um, but I think having that open line of communication and respecting his wishes. It's worked out in my favor. Because like out of the blue the other day, I asked for a picture of him with his car, which he stood next to his new car and let me take a picture.

[00:39:02] And then like two days later, he texted me a group of like four pictures of the car that he took. And he was like, here are these, you know, to do that scrapbook page. Um, so, you know, like it's, it's, it's definitely, paid off and, you know, I can see the definite benefits and positives, you know, to having all that open communication and respect for what they want in the scrapbooking as well.

[00:39:28] Jennifer Wilson: I wholeheartedly agree with that, especially as my own daughter, she just turned 13 and she's gotten older and really understanding what they feel comfortable with makes a difference. Because as you said, that also gives, if you're respecting them, they're going to respect you as well and, and better understand the value that you place in, in your scrapbooking and, and keeping these memories.

[00:39:52] Beatrice Semo: Yes. Yes, exactly.

[00:39:55] Jennifer Wilson: So this episode will be airing in November. Uh, and so as our listeners venture off to holiday celebrations with family and friends, what are you hoping they will better understand?

[00:40:05] Beatrice Semo: I would just, just hope they remember everyone is on their own journey. Try to be respectful and patient. Try to be supportive and understanding to your, your friends and your neighbors. While my child's transition was difficult, it was his anxiety and depression that were the scariest part. And in the end, I think. I think we all, we just want our children to be happy, healthy, and see a positive future ahead of them.

[00:40:32] Jennifer Wilson: Yes, yes. Thank you. Thank you so much for, for sharing so much with us. I really appreciate it.

[00:40:38] Beatrice Semo: Of course.

[00:40:39] Jennifer Wilson: Beatrice, can you share where we can find you online, where listeners might want to follow you, and anything you might be working on later this year and sharing online?

[00:40:49] Beatrice Semo: I have a scrappy account on Instagram. It's called Whimsical Crafty Crafts. I'm not real active on it, but I did share several layouts today with the podcast in mind. Um, I'm always happy to talk about our journey as a family. Ian and his boyfriend, you know, have given me permission to share some of their experiences and stories with other families.

[00:41:14] So if there's anyone listening that. Uh, you know, is at the beginning of their journey and, and wants to talk or have some questions, they can feel free to, to message me on there. I'll keep an eye on my, you know, that Instagram account. I have a private family Instagram account too, so I'm on Instagram plenty.

[00:41:31] Don't worry. if I'm not posting on there. But yeah, and I do plan to, once I get back into scrapbooking regularly, uh, sharing on there more regularly as well.

[00:41:43] Jennifer Wilson: Well, definitely good luck with your surgery and lots of healing vibes there. So looking forward to it.

[00:41:48] Beatrice Semo: Thank you.

[00:41:49] Jennifer Wilson: Thank you again for spending time with me and to all of our listeners, please remember that you have permission to scrapbook your way.